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Sight
Genre: AU, Angst
Pairing: Ohno/Ninomiya
Rating: PG
Summary: Nino’s world is turned upside down.
The sound of tires squealing on asphalt makes Nino turn to look out his window. His eyes widen as bright headlights were inches away from him. Before Nino could throw his arms in front of his face, the truck slams into his blue Toyota, sending shards of glass flying. He hears the sickening sound of twisting metal and breaking bones before the world swam in front of him and he blacks out.
He finds himself lying facedown on the hard ground, a mixture of salty sweet blood and sour bile in his mouth. The world seemed dark; as if someone had dimmed the lights. Nino closes and opens his eyes, but the dark covering still obscured his vision. He is confused for a moment, and tries to raise himself up on his hands. Nino screams in agony, spraying blood on the black asphalt, as the pain hits him. Every muscle in his body was on fire and his bones felt crushed like ice.
Blurry silhouettes crowd around Nino. Screams and shouts fills the cold night air and Nino tries to curl himself into a fetal position - away from the harsh noises that pounded terribly at his head. A sharp sound of blaring sirens came before the pain became too overpowering and Nino slips back into darkness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno Satoshi looks out the window as the blinking red and blue lights of an ambulance flashed by his bus. He closes his eyes and silently prays for the unfortunate person in it. Please be okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His eyelids feels like lead as he tries to lift them.
It was night time. Nino wonders where he is for a moment. Suddenly, he hears his mother breaking into sobs on his right. Except, he doesn’t see his mother. My room is not dark like this. It was a kind of darkness Nino has never experienced before; he could not make out a single outline or shape or anything, for that matter. It was starting to creep Nino out.
“Kazu. Kazu! Oh, you’re awake!,” he hears his mother sob out, “Thank God!”
“Mom? Where are you? Why are the lights turned off? Where am I?,” Nino asks, his voice cracking. His mouth feels bitter and dry, as if he hadn’t brushed his teeth or spoken in a while.
“Kazu. I am here,” his mom whispers. Nino feels her warm familiar hands close over his. “Don’t be scared.”
Nino thinks this is a strange thing to say. “Why should I be scared?,” he asks, cocking his head to one side, “And can someone turn on the lights already? It feels like I am blind or something.” He laughs a little at this but stops as his mother bursts into fresh sobs.
“Kazu, you really can’t see us?,” his sister’s voice cuts across the darkness. Nino feels her hand slip into his hair.
“Stop that!,” Nino cried out, impatiently. “What is going on? What are you guys doing here in my room? Why are the lights not turned on? Turn it on!”
He feels his mother tighten her grip on his hand. “Kazu,” she says, after a heavy silence passed in the room, “The lights are on, Kazu.”
With that, everything comes flooding to Nino. Going home after a long day at work. The sound of tires attempting to swerve at the last minute. A blinding white light. Glass everywhere. The ground. Blood. Darkness.
Nino clutched his head and fervently whispers, “This cannot be true.” His stomach hurts and Nino feels that he could not move his legs; they were both incased inside casts. His mind freezes and something cold runs down his spine.
“It’s been two weeks,” whispered his sister. Nino could hear the emotions in her voice; she was trying not to cry. “When we heard that the drunk driver plowed right into your car…we thought…we thought the worst had happened…but now you’re awake…everything is going to be okay, Kazu. We’ll be here to help you.”
This has got to be a nightmare. Somewhere, a scream bubbles up to his throat. Nino closes his eyes and lets it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno Satoshi winces as a tormented scream echoes down the hallway. A few shouts, punctuated by colorful swear words, follow.
Ohno turns to his sister. “Do you want me to close the door?”
“It’s fine. It must be Mrs. Ninomiya’s son coming out of his coma. Poor boy,” his sister sighs, “Who would want to wake up to a world of darkness?”
Ohno has never seen the boy, but he did bump into his sister and mother a few times around the hospital. They were always courteous - greeting him in the hallways and asking after his sister. Ohno feels sorry for them whenever they happen to see each other - their eyes were always puffy from the lack of sleep, frown lines would be etched between their eyebrows, and their feet dragged as they walked. Ohno understands how they felt - he been the same way when his sister was first diagnosed with cancer.
“Satoshi, you have to go soon!,” his sister gasps out suddenly, interrupting his thoughts.
“I can wait a little longer,” Ohno says, checking his watch. He doesn’t admit to it, but Ohno is scared. Scared that his sister passes on while he is somewhere else. Scared that she will be alone when she breathes her last breath. Aside from sharks, that was Ohno’s greatest fear. If Ohno had his way, he would have packed a suitcase to live at the hospital a long time ago.
“I don’t want you to be late for work,” his sister insisted, pushing at her younger brother, “I’ll be fine! Now go before you miss your bus!”
“Promise?”
“Who do you take me for? Of course I’ll be fine,” his sister exclaims, rolling her eyes.
Ohno reluctantly stands up from the chair at his sister’s bedside and heads towards the doorway.
“Satoshi!” Ohno turns.
Her face was pale and gaunt, and the bandanna Ohno had designed for her (covered with smiling sunflowers) had slipped a little, revealing what was left of her once-luscious black hair. The hospital gown was hanging off her too-skinny frame and there were dark bruises on her thin arms , but her eyes were brave and her smile conveyed confidence. Ohno thinks she looks beautiful, just like an angel.
“I’ll be fighting! I won‘t lose,“ she says firmly, “And when I get out of here, the first thing I’m making you do is clean up your room! So you don‘t have to worry about me, alright?” She gives Ohno an almost pleading look. “Just concentrate on doing your best at work, you hear me?”
Ohno smiles back and salutes her. “Yes ma’am!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You’re doing good Ninomiya-san. Your progress in rehabilitation this past month has been excellent after the casts have been removed.”
Nino sits silent in his bed, trying to reign in his anger. He focuses on creating a face for this particular doctor. Fat, watery little eyes, acne marks, thick oily lips, crooked brown teeth, and a red bulbous nose ending with a wart at the end of it. Nino didn’t know why, but all the doctors in this place seemed to look like that.
“…and I daresay that it is time to -”
He knows it would only hurt him in the end but Nino can’t push away the question that has been buzzing in his head. “Doctor, what about my eyesight?,” Nino asks, impatiently. His hands clenched tighter to his bed sheets. He knows the answer already; it’s been relayed and explained to him by numerous doctors, many times before. But he just doesn’t get it. All the medical jargon has managed to do was explain away Nino’s blindness in a rational, logical, and reasonable way. Which, clearly to Nino, was complete rubbish because him being fucking blind was not in any way reasonable or logical.
The doctor pauses in the middle of his sentence. Nino imagines him opening and closing his mouth stupidly like a goldfish. “Now Ninomiya-san, we’ve been over this before ---”
“I know we’ve been over this,” Nino snarls, “But we will go over it again.”
The doctor lets out a little sigh that he didn’t know Nino could hear. Nino figures that he must be rolling his mole-like eyes. It further fans the frustration and anger in Nino.
“Will I be able to play the guitar again? Or the piano?,” Nino demands. He feels a lump in the back of his throat as he attempts to swallow. “How about baseball? Will I---”
“Ninomiya-san, I think it’s best to…let go of those aspirations and concentrate on recovering.”
Nino rears back, feeling as if he was punched in the stomach. The fragile little thing residing inside of his heart shatters and Nino feels dead already.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno goes out to fill the clay vase with water. The hallway smells strongly of disinfectant - an odor Ohno has never gotten used to. Warm sunlight floods in from the double windows at the end of the hallway and Ohno makes out a solitary figure standing near them. It was a man, perhaps a few years younger than himself. Ohno watches as the man tilts his head up, face cast in shadows against the bright light, as if he was trying to absorb the warm rays. Ohno wishes that he had his paints and canvas with him, or at least a sketch pad and a pencil, to capture it.
Ohno stares, hands holding onto the vase, trying to note down the minute details of the scene in his head for when he returns to his quiet apartment.
A blue rectangular object suddenly drops out of the man’s robes onto the linoleum floor with a loud ‘clunk.’ The man jumps in surprise and accidentally kicks the object with his feet. It skids a short distance before coming to a stop near Ohno’s sneakers.
Ohno bends over to pick up the DS, hugging his vase under one arm. Ohno straightens up to find the man on his knees, hands patting over the floor, searching blindly. Ohno frowns and glances at the blue DS in his hands. Ninomiya Kazunari was written neatly on the cover with a black sharpie. Comprehension dawns on Ohno and he strides over to the kneeling man. He taps him gently on the shoulder.
“You dropped this,” Ohno says, helping the man close his fingers over the DS. Up close, Ninomiya actually looked more like a boy than a man, with sharp features that reminded Ohno a little of pixies.
“I don’t need your help,” Ninomiya retorts, quickly raising on his feet. Ohno sees him wince at the sudden motion. “Mind your own business.” Ninomiya shoves the blue DS back into the pocket of his robe and glares at Ohno - or rather, glares at a space a little to the right of Ohno‘s head.
Ohno shrugs off Ninomiya’s rudeness. “I am sorry.”
Ninomiya’s brown eyes widen slightly in surprise before they turned hostile again.
“Kazu! There you are!”
Ohno turns around to find Ninomiya Aiko jogging up towards them, eyes worried.
“I went to the restroom for a bit and you just had to disappear!,” Aiko huffs, taking her younger brother’s hand. “Oh! Hello Ohno-san,” she smiles at Ohno brightly. “This is Kazunari, my brother.”
“Um…hi, I am Ohno Satoshi,” Ohno addresses towards the man, whose expression looked as if he had taken a bite out of a lemon. “Nice to meet you.”
“Yeah. Sure. Do I look like I even care?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lost. Angry. Sad. Seeking answers to questions that have no answers.
I am losing my head.
Everything is lost in this eternal darkness.
No one to blame for this pain.
Tired. Don’t want to go on.
I am so scared.
I am all alone.
Nino has nothing much to do at home besides lying on his bed and composing depressing songs in his head. He can’t play with his DS. There‘s television, but he feels detached from the whole purpose of watching; hearing laughter for a funny reaction he can’t see leaves Nino disappointed. He doesn’t know whether being at the hospital, where the day was filled with rehabilitation classes, or whether being back at home, where boredom and his badgering sister were his only companions, was better.
The old familiar weight of his guitar on his lap alleviates his depression a little. Nino tentatively strums his fingers across the tight strings and is satisfied when a clear, ringing note reverberates in the apartment. He concentrates on recalling back the black squiggly notes that he has pored hours over, scratching out and rewriting at his desk.
In a way, he succeeds at this. But his fingers were too slow and clumsy for his brain. The melody that he has penned dissolves in a mess of wrong notes and lagging tempos.
Nino finally breaks down and cries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a spring in his steps as Ohno arrives at the hospital, laden with a big box of cake and a plastic bag filled with soda, potato chips, and other assorted snacks. He had spared no expense. Ohno hopes that it will cheer her up after the latest results of her blood test came back the other day.
“Satoshi!,” Hitomi’s smile greets him as he carefully puts down everything, “Aren’t you supposed to be at work right now?” Her voice was weaker than usual, but it still had authority in it.
“But I want to have a party!,” Ohno pouts, placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Excuses, excuses,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“How are you feeling today?,” Ohno asks, opening the cake box. He tilts it at Hitomi to let her see from her position lying down.
“Kind of tired, but still going strong,” she replies, nodding approvingly at the cake. “That looks good.” She carefully sits up in her bed.
“Have a soda first,” Ohno says, handing her a can, “I uh…forgot to bring a knife, and um…plates and stuff. I’ll be right back!” Ohno turns, embarrassed. He hears Hitomi chuckle at his absentmindedness before there was a sharp intake of pained breath. Ohno whips around and everything happened in slow motion.
“Hitomi!,” Ohno hears himself cry out; his voice sounds distant and most unlike his own.
The soda can she was holding falls in a clatter on the floor, spraying foamy globs of soda everywhere. Her body slumps sideways and she was falling, falling, falling off the bed. Ohno feels like he is walking through syrup - too slow, much too slow - as he rushes to break her fall.
“Ohno-san, your sister is very weak. I suggest you prepare yourself for the inevitable.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
He could hear the constant tick tock of the clock on his bedside, but he isn’t sure what time it was. Was it early morning? Afternoon? Or was it night? It doesn’t matter to him anymore, since his days now blend flawlessly together. He burrows himself deeper under his blankets. Nino is contemplating about death.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno slashes another angry red line across his canvas. He has been doing that for the past hour, just sitting in front of his canvas, painting a portrait of his emotions. He hadn’t bothered with washing his face; it was streaked with dried tears and he was still in his black suit from the funeral. He wipes his nose on his damp sleeve.
Ohno glances at the paintbrush; it’s bristles were ruined from the strength he used to paint. Sighing, he dips it in the bottle of red and applies the final stroke to the canvas. Ohno backs away a bit to stare at it. It was ugly - with red dripping like fresh blood and the occasional blots of black and purple like bruises.
He lets it dry on the balcony and goes to the bathroom to wash his face and change out of his clothes. He returns to his easel. This time, he was going to paint sunflowers. Gently blending the golden yellow paint, he is reminded of Hitomi’s laughter and the way she radiated warmth, happiness, and strength. Her last words echo in his mind as he paints the first stroke.
Satoshi, be happy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The rain pounds a lonely rhythm against the window panes. The apartment is humid from all the windows being closed, and a dreary atmosphere hangs like a dark cloud.
The TV cackles: “We had predicted sunshine and perfect weather today but it seems that Mother Nature has other plans. This region is experiencing high winds and heavy rain. There is a warning for high tides…”
“Aiko, I am going to the beach,” Nino speaks up suddenly, breaking the silence.
“Are you crazy?,” his sister murmurs sleepily next to him, “It’s raining cats and dogs…” She yawns widely, snuggling deeper into their ancient couch. He hears her breathing slow down as she drifted off to sleep.
Nino stands up silently and counts 10 steps to get to his room. He throws on a jacket with roomy pockets and fumbles around searching for an umbrella. Nino pauses; should he write a note? He shakes his head. They will know why.
The rain smells refreshing to Nino, after being cooped up in their stuffy apartment for weeks, as he steps out of the building. Nino is thankful that the bus stop was right in front of their building. He stands there, with the rain pattering onto his umbrella, and waits.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno blinks as a particularly fat drop of rain falls onto his nose. Then, as if the heavens had decided to open up, rain fell fast in torrents, quickly soaking through his clothes and sending shivers through his entire body. He quickly picks up his fishing gear and runs toward the nearest shelter - the public restrooms, cursing all the way at the sudden turn of bad weather.
His slippered feet squeaks and squishes through puddles of standing rain. Ohno can barely see through his sodden bangs, and the sharp sting of water hitting his eyes wasn‘t helping his progress either.
He clumsily slips and slides up a slight incline until he was finally under the roof of the concrete structure.
Collapsing against the wall, he takes a moment to wring off his soaking wet clothing. The landscape in front of him was quickly turning stormy, as waves crashes onto the rocks Ohno was situated on a while ago. Through the rain, everything was painted gray and lifeless.
Suddenly, a flash of yellow in the colorless scenery catches Ohno’s eyes. He squints - and makes out a person - a boy, making his way towards the shorelines, where white foaming tides threatened to sweep anything and everything off into the churning sea. Ohno makes a split decision and runs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Are you sure you want to get off here, sir?,” the concerned bus driver asks Nino, who grips the handrail tightly.
“Yes,” Nino says, unfurling his umbrella and getting out onto the sidewalk, “Thank you.”
He heads towards the roaring of the ocean. His head was surprisingly clear, without any of those melancholy thoughts he has been having for the past three months. Perhaps it was because he knew that this was the end to all his pain. He has nothing else to live for. No attachments.
The salty sea breeze beckons him with it’s tantalizing fingertips.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey! Stop! It’s dangerous!,” Ohno tries to shout, but the shrill wind snatches his words away. The figure was in the water already, and Ohno could see waves tugging at him.
Ohno steels his nerves as he enters the water. It was a bone-chilling, mind-numbing, and knee-shaking kind of cold. He felt the skin on his legs burning as though it was fire he was wading through. His sodden clothing weighs him down as he walked in deeper; the water was now at his waist. Ohno’s numbed feet were slipping over silt and sand, as great amounts of sea water made its way into his mouth. He spits it out, gagging at the saltiness. The current was pulling him and the boy further and further away from shore; Ohno’s feet could barely reach the floor. For the first time in his life, Ohno feared the sea.
“Stop!,” Ohno screams once again at the figure in front of him. He wasn’t far away now, and with a lunge, Ohno wraps his arms around the boy’s waist.
The boy twists around and Ohno’s jaws drop.
“You! What the hell do you think you’re doing?,” Ohno yells at Ninomiya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Get off,” Nino cries, trying to break away from the person’s iron grip.
Now that someone has actually interrupted him, Nino begins to feel the chill of the water, the rolling waves, and how his feet didn’t quite reach the bottom anymore. Fear seizes his heart but Nino is determined. He twists and turns, like a slippery fish, out of the guy’s hands. Nino closes his eyes and submerges.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno panics when he sees Ninomiya go under. He quickly dives under and eyes stinging, sees Ninomiya with his eyes closed. Ohno snatches at his yellow jacket and pulls Ninomiya up with him. He thrashes around in Ohno’s grip, but Ohno manages to hold on as he trudges closer to shore. Ohno feels his feet hit sand comfortably before screaming at Ninomiya.
“Are you crazy?,” Ohno yells, sending water droplets flying as he whirls around on the still-struggling man. “Do you not care about your family or something? Do you want your mother and sister to find you half-bloated when the coast guard manages to locate you? If you don’t care about your life, it’s fine. But harming others in the process is not, you selfish bastard.” Ohno forces his teeth to stop chattering.
Ninomiya narrows his eyes. “Who are you?” He was still trying to extricate himself.
“Ohno Satoshi, the one you didn’t care about, remember?,” Ohno snaps. His limbs feel tired and heavy as he nearly collapses from fatigue on the shore. “
“You can’t just mind your own business can you?,” Nino screams back, tears springing out of his unfocused eyes, “I don’t want to live because I am fucking blind, if you haven’t noticed! When you’re blind, all you see is darkness and life is not worth living if you can‘t see anything.”
Ohno’s anger diminishes and he resorts to a more comforting tone. “Life is precious and you have to treasure every second of it. My sister instilled that in me. No matter what obstacles you face, there is always a solution and throwing your life away is not one of those solutions, Ninomiya-san. Not being able to face those obstacle makes you a coward.” Ohno guides Nino towards the distant shelter. They were both shivering and the falling rain made the trembling even worse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nino refuses to budge. “I don’t care what your stupid sister said,” he shrieks, “Let go ---”
He doesn’t even register the punch until he tasted blood in his mouth.
He hears Ohno’s low growl close to his face: “You insult my sister again, I’ll kill you myself.”
Nino bows his head down in shame and lets Ohno drag him to shelter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno shifts uncomfortably next to Nino on the bus. Ohno was still in shock at having punched someone in the face. Someone who was blind and couldn’t have defended himself. Ohno groans inwardly as he glances at the purple bruise that was forming at the corner of Ninomiya‘s jaw; he hadn’t meant to hit the guy - it was just that Nino had dared to attack Hitomi. Ohno turns to Ninomiya and opens his mouth to apologize.
“I am sorry,” both of them speaking at the same time. Ohno startles into silence.
“I am sorry I endangered your life. And I am sorry I said those things about your sister,” Nino whispers, “I was really, really, really stupid.”
“You didn’t mean it,” Ohno puts in quickly, “I am sorry I punched you.”
“But I still look handsome right?,” Nino jokes.
Ohno laughs. “Definitely.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I just called your sister - and don’t worry, I didn’t tell her.”
Nino breathes a sigh of relief. “Sorry for the intrusion,” he apologizes, wiping his damp hair with a towel. Nino thinks he smells a little bit like apples which, he supposes, was how Ohno smells like too. It was a little humiliating that Nino had to be led into the bathroom and be shown where the knobs, soap, and shampoo were; but Ohno didn’t seem to think he was stupid or troublesome.
“No problem. It’s still pouring and my place is closer,” he hears Ohno say, “Here - have some tea.” Nino finds Ohno’s hands on his, helping him grasp around the cup. It reminds Nino of the day Ohno gave him back his DS.
“Thanks,” Nino says, appreciatively. “You should hurry and take a shower, your hands are cold.”
“Yeah, I should,” Ohno says, “Uh…you might not want to move from the couch.” He sounds embarrassed.
Nino frowns. “Why not?”
“It’s really messy in here and you might get hurt…you know, if you trip or something.”
Nino doesn’t know why, but tears start to well up in his eyes. He turns so Ohno can’t see them. “Okay.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wow. His apartment was extremely messy - with the piles of dirty clothing lying forgotten, the dishes in the leaky sink, his art supplies stacked haphazardly in the corner of the small living room, and his fishing poles laying scattered on the floor. Ohno has never been very good at taking care of himself; Hitomi had always been the one who was in charge of all that. Ohno misses her.
A cough escapes him. Must be getting sick, he thinks to himself. Ohno tries to get into a more comfortable position on the couch, where its ancient springs were poking him in the back. He hears Nino making little noises in his room, unable to sleep. Ohno closes his eyes; he is so tired.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nino counts twenty steps to the living room, then five steps to the couch. A loud, hollow cough came from it, followed by a sneeze.
“Ohno-san, are you okay?,” Nino asks, trying to figure out where to look.
“I think I have a fever,” he hears a muffled voice say, “But I am not sure.”
Despite Ohno’s situation, Nino finds himself smiling at the child-like remark. “Let me feel your forehead.” Nino tentatively puts out a hand and feels Ohno take it, putting it on his forehead. Ohno was indeed burning up. Nino contemplates for a moment before saying: “Just stay here and I’ll get a wet towel for your head.”
“But -”
“Don’t worry, I can count and remember where stuff are.” Nino had memorized the number of steps for everything because he didn’t want to feel like a burden to Ohno.
Nino returns with one and hands it to Ohno.
“I’m gonna make soup,” Nino announces. Nino hears Ohno make a noise that sounded like a chicken being strangled and quickly adds, “I am really good at cooking. Just get out all the ingredients and show me the stove and I am good.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno stirs on his bed - which Nino had demanded he take back. The entire night was slightly foggy in Ohno’s brain. He remembers feeling chills, Nino giving him a wet towel to cool his fever down, the strange dream he had (one where he was dressed as a maid and then Bruce Lee), and the soup Nino made. The taste of it still lingered in his mouth.
He rolls out of bed and pads quietly into the living room. A feeble ray of light manages to break through the heavy gray clouds in the sky and shine through the curtains. It’s beam falls on Nino’s sleeping face and Ohno feels something tug inside of him.
All of a sudden, Nino blinks awake. He scratches his head, and yawns widely like a cat, stretching his small body along the length of the couch. Ohno wants to continue staring, but figures it might be kind of rude. He clears his throat politely.
“Morning Nino.” He had insisted Ohno call him that.
“Good morning Ohno-san.”
Breakfast passes too fast (it was cereal ‘made’ by Ohno) and soon , he was walking with Nino to the bus stop. Nino clutches tightly at Ohno’s arm as the unfamiliar sounds of traffic cuts through the morning air. Honks made Nino jump and the whistle of passing cars displacing air made him cringe. Ohno feels Nino shake violently as a particularly large delivery truck rumbles past. Maybe he was still reminded of his own accident or maybe the fact that he couldn’t see made the world a scarier place to live in.
Ohno winds one arm protectively around Nino’s thin waist.
“It’s okay Nino. I am here.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Nino lies in his bed, waiting for sleep to come, he wonders how Ohno Satoshi looks like. Nino thinks that he must be beautiful beyond words, just like his heart.
He feels his own heart trill as he replays the scene in his head over again.
“Ohno-san, can I visit you again?”
“Of course.”
“Like tomorrow?”
He hears Ohno laugh, a nice comforting sound that sounded like the tinkering of piano keys. “Yes Nino, you can visit me whenever you want to.”
In the dark, a love song blossoms in Nino’s head as he drifts off to the dream world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What are you doing?,” Nino asks on the other line, as the setting sun threw shadows in Ohno’s apartment.
“I am painting.”
“Oh. What are you painting?”
‘The time I first met you‘, Ohno wants to say. But of course, he can’t. Nino was his friend for approximately three months now and Ohno didn’t want to ruin their wonderful friendship by saying something weird like that. Instead, he replies: “A window. With sunshine streaming through it.”
“That sounds nice. I wish I could see it,” Ohno hears Nino say wistfully.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Can I hear a song Nino?”
“But I can’t play anymore.”
“You can. If you just try.”
Nino tries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Nino are you alright?”
“I - I am fine. Just - just a bit seasick. No-no need to worry.”
“At least let me hold your head when you barf.”
“N-no! It sprays everywhere. You’ll be grossed out! Now-now go and catch some G-2s or whatever they’re called.”
“I rather be with you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, Nino summons up all his courage. “Oh-chan.”
“Yes Nino?”
“Can I touch your face?,” Nino blurts out in a rush. Nino feels his own face turn red and looks down.
He imagines Ohno looking scandalized, frightened, and even horrified, but Ohno just calmly takes Nino’s hands and places them on the sides of his face. His face felt smooth, like a newborn baby’s but he must have not shaven yet, since a shadow of stubble pokes Nino’s hands as they flutter on his chin. Nino shyly traces Ohno’s features. His fingertips brushes against Ohno’s long eyelashes and smoothes out his thin, elegant brows. His hands admire Ohno’s delicate nose and pinches his puffy cheeks. But his hands still as they reach Ohno’s lips.
Nino is afraid. Afraid that once he touches Ohno‘s lips, he would be lost forever. That he would want to be more than just friends. Ohno won’t ever think of him like how Nino thinks of him. Nino was blind. He was a burden and Ohno deserves someone better than that. Ohno deserves a pretty girl who can go on a boat without hurling her stomach contents out. Or one that knew how to paint. In the end, it was going to be heartbreak for Nino.
So Nino lets his hands drop back onto his lap. “You feel pretty Oh-chan,” he says, trying very hard to sound cheerful.
Like yesterday, I am again thinking of you
Your soft laughter and your gentle voice
Keeps appearing in my thoughts
If I could make one wish
It would be to see your face.
Just once.
It pains me when I realize that
I will never be able to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno worries about Nino. A lot. Ohno wonders if he had done something wrong. After that day where Nino had wanted to touch his face, Nino had seemingly cut all ties with him. He doesn’t call or answer Ohno’s calls.
Maybe Nino found Ohno really ugly after that episode. Confusion swamps Ohno’s head. He looks around his apartment. It seems much lonelier without Nino‘s sarcasm and brattiness. Or the bright smiles that were sweet like candy. Especially after they had cleaned it up together.
Everywhere he looks, Ohno is reminded of Nino. At work, there is picture that sits on top of his desk. It was taken on their first and last fishing trip together, where Ohno is grinning ecstatically, holding the small fish (“It’s a freaking goldfish!,” Nino screams after Ohno hands it to him) he had caught after six hours at sea, and Nino is frowning at a spot above the camera, with dribbles of barf still on his shirt. On the bus, Ohno is reminded of the bus rides they took to go places, since Ohno still didn’t have a driver’s license (“Are you sure you’re 27?”). Listening to music reminds Ohno of Nino’s small hands on the piano or strumming the guitar. Even out at sea, where fishing usually took his mind off everything, Ohno only sees Nino hurling in a bucket or Nino shouting at him to ’put on more sunscreen.’ On days where the sun reigns supreme in the sky, the image of Nino standing near the hospital window with an aura of light behind him flashes in Ohno’s head. Rainy days were worse; Ohno paces around his apartment, hoping that Nino won’t go and try kill himself again.
Ohno glances at the sunflower painting hanging up on the living room wall.
“I am not happy, Hitomi.”
Suddenly, Hitomi’s voice echoes in his head: Well, go do something about it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nino knows that he is a selfish person.
“Well, why are you avoiding me Nino?,” Ohno’s angry voice crashes over him.
Nino had thought they could be friends. But he was greedy. As usual.
“There’s something I have to tell you,” he hears himself say.
I can’t pinpoint
The exact time
It happened.
All I know is that
I always find the strength,
A reason to live,
When I am with you.
I realize that I love you.
I hope you
Will love me back too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“There’s something I have to tell you,” Nino begins weakly. He was in his old pajamas, sitting on the edge of his bed, knees drawn up close to his body; it made him look like a small boy. This Nino was as delicate and fragile as a glass figurine. He was not the strong, confident one that Ohno admired the most.
Ohno stands in front of the younger man. His brain is going over all the possible things Nino might be telling him; all of them were bad. Was Nino sick? Did he have leukemia like Hitomi? Ohno’s heart drops to his stomach - he has already lost his sister, he can’t lose Nino too.
“What is it?,” his voice comes out as a squeak.
“Give me your hand Oh-chan,’ Nino extends his out towards Ohno.
Ohno doesn’t hesitate and puts his slightly sweaty hand in Nino’s. He watches as Nino slowly places it over his heart. It was faint at first, like a fluttering butterfly, but soon, Nino’s heart pounds a rhythmic thud thud thud under Ohno’s palm. Ohno knows that this is a significant gesture from Nino, but he doesn’t quite understand it. Nino’s eyes are closed tightly, his mouth set in a thin line. Ohno frantically racks his brain for the right response, frozen like a rock.
Nino grip tightens on Ohno’s hand. And suddenly, everything was clear to him. Confusion turns into shock. Shock turns into bewilderment again. Butterflies erupts in his stomach and Ohno had the sudden urge to do cartwheels.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Ohno doesn’t respond, Nino feels the darkness suffocate him. He quickly drops Ohno’s hand and backs away from him. Ohno’s rejection was even more painful to endure than losing his sight. Humiliation flushes his cheeks and he feels a single teardrop trail off his left cheek.
“Sorry Oh-chan,” he cries, as his throat constricts and disappointment wells up behind his eyes. “I didn’t mean to make things complicated.” Nino buries his face in his arms.
“It’s not complicated, it’s actually very simple,” he hears Ohno say.
“How?,” Nino wails, wiping his tears away. A hand shifts his bangs away from his wet eyes.
“It’s simple because you love me and I love you.” Nino freezes. His heart feels so full that it might explode right out of his chest.
“Y-You don’t mind if - if I can’t see?,” Nino manages to whisper.
“Nino, I am looking into your eyes right now,” Ohno whispers back. Nino feels Ohno's shoulder brush with his. "And I don't care if you're blind. The important thing is that you make me happy, and that's all I care about."
Ohno pulls Nino in an embrace.
Nino feels like he is floating on Cloud 9.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Niiiii-noooo!,” he hears Ohno sing-song from the balcony.
“What is it Oh-chan?,” he replies, pausing his fingers over the piano keys.
“There’s a rainbow outside!,” Ohno’s voice comes back. He sounds excited and giddy like a little kid.
“So?,” Nino calls back, turning back to his piano. “Is it beautiful?,” he adds, after not hearing Ohno’s voice. Nino didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Yes!”
Nino hums in satisfaction at the reply and sets back to composing.
Suddenly, he feels Ohno’s warm hands on his shoulders. “But you’re much more beautiful than the rainbow,” Ohno’s breath, smelling of peppermint, lingers on his neck. Nino smiles to himself.
“Thank you Oh-chan.”
I would be content
If life was like this everyday,
Where each and every moment,
Is filled with happiness.
I want to grow old with
You by my side
To cherish and love you
For the rest of my life.
-------------------------
Notes: This was kind of depressing to write - it's a gazillion more times angstier than my other Ohmiya oneshot. Also, I apologize for making it super long too - I hope that you guys didn't fall alsleep XD. The rainbow part came from Niji - it's my favorite line from it.
As I am a fairly new fic writer, feedback is always welcome!
Genre: AU, Angst
Pairing: Ohno/Ninomiya
Rating: PG
Summary: Nino’s world is turned upside down.
The sound of tires squealing on asphalt makes Nino turn to look out his window. His eyes widen as bright headlights were inches away from him. Before Nino could throw his arms in front of his face, the truck slams into his blue Toyota, sending shards of glass flying. He hears the sickening sound of twisting metal and breaking bones before the world swam in front of him and he blacks out.
He finds himself lying facedown on the hard ground, a mixture of salty sweet blood and sour bile in his mouth. The world seemed dark; as if someone had dimmed the lights. Nino closes and opens his eyes, but the dark covering still obscured his vision. He is confused for a moment, and tries to raise himself up on his hands. Nino screams in agony, spraying blood on the black asphalt, as the pain hits him. Every muscle in his body was on fire and his bones felt crushed like ice.
Blurry silhouettes crowd around Nino. Screams and shouts fills the cold night air and Nino tries to curl himself into a fetal position - away from the harsh noises that pounded terribly at his head. A sharp sound of blaring sirens came before the pain became too overpowering and Nino slips back into darkness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno Satoshi looks out the window as the blinking red and blue lights of an ambulance flashed by his bus. He closes his eyes and silently prays for the unfortunate person in it. Please be okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His eyelids feels like lead as he tries to lift them.
It was night time. Nino wonders where he is for a moment. Suddenly, he hears his mother breaking into sobs on his right. Except, he doesn’t see his mother. My room is not dark like this. It was a kind of darkness Nino has never experienced before; he could not make out a single outline or shape or anything, for that matter. It was starting to creep Nino out.
“Kazu. Kazu! Oh, you’re awake!,” he hears his mother sob out, “Thank God!”
“Mom? Where are you? Why are the lights turned off? Where am I?,” Nino asks, his voice cracking. His mouth feels bitter and dry, as if he hadn’t brushed his teeth or spoken in a while.
“Kazu. I am here,” his mom whispers. Nino feels her warm familiar hands close over his. “Don’t be scared.”
Nino thinks this is a strange thing to say. “Why should I be scared?,” he asks, cocking his head to one side, “And can someone turn on the lights already? It feels like I am blind or something.” He laughs a little at this but stops as his mother bursts into fresh sobs.
“Kazu, you really can’t see us?,” his sister’s voice cuts across the darkness. Nino feels her hand slip into his hair.
“Stop that!,” Nino cried out, impatiently. “What is going on? What are you guys doing here in my room? Why are the lights not turned on? Turn it on!”
He feels his mother tighten her grip on his hand. “Kazu,” she says, after a heavy silence passed in the room, “The lights are on, Kazu.”
With that, everything comes flooding to Nino. Going home after a long day at work. The sound of tires attempting to swerve at the last minute. A blinding white light. Glass everywhere. The ground. Blood. Darkness.
Nino clutched his head and fervently whispers, “This cannot be true.” His stomach hurts and Nino feels that he could not move his legs; they were both incased inside casts. His mind freezes and something cold runs down his spine.
“It’s been two weeks,” whispered his sister. Nino could hear the emotions in her voice; she was trying not to cry. “When we heard that the drunk driver plowed right into your car…we thought…we thought the worst had happened…but now you’re awake…everything is going to be okay, Kazu. We’ll be here to help you.”
This has got to be a nightmare. Somewhere, a scream bubbles up to his throat. Nino closes his eyes and lets it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno Satoshi winces as a tormented scream echoes down the hallway. A few shouts, punctuated by colorful swear words, follow.
Ohno turns to his sister. “Do you want me to close the door?”
“It’s fine. It must be Mrs. Ninomiya’s son coming out of his coma. Poor boy,” his sister sighs, “Who would want to wake up to a world of darkness?”
Ohno has never seen the boy, but he did bump into his sister and mother a few times around the hospital. They were always courteous - greeting him in the hallways and asking after his sister. Ohno feels sorry for them whenever they happen to see each other - their eyes were always puffy from the lack of sleep, frown lines would be etched between their eyebrows, and their feet dragged as they walked. Ohno understands how they felt - he been the same way when his sister was first diagnosed with cancer.
“Satoshi, you have to go soon!,” his sister gasps out suddenly, interrupting his thoughts.
“I can wait a little longer,” Ohno says, checking his watch. He doesn’t admit to it, but Ohno is scared. Scared that his sister passes on while he is somewhere else. Scared that she will be alone when she breathes her last breath. Aside from sharks, that was Ohno’s greatest fear. If Ohno had his way, he would have packed a suitcase to live at the hospital a long time ago.
“I don’t want you to be late for work,” his sister insisted, pushing at her younger brother, “I’ll be fine! Now go before you miss your bus!”
“Promise?”
“Who do you take me for? Of course I’ll be fine,” his sister exclaims, rolling her eyes.
Ohno reluctantly stands up from the chair at his sister’s bedside and heads towards the doorway.
“Satoshi!” Ohno turns.
Her face was pale and gaunt, and the bandanna Ohno had designed for her (covered with smiling sunflowers) had slipped a little, revealing what was left of her once-luscious black hair. The hospital gown was hanging off her too-skinny frame and there were dark bruises on her thin arms , but her eyes were brave and her smile conveyed confidence. Ohno thinks she looks beautiful, just like an angel.
“I’ll be fighting! I won‘t lose,“ she says firmly, “And when I get out of here, the first thing I’m making you do is clean up your room! So you don‘t have to worry about me, alright?” She gives Ohno an almost pleading look. “Just concentrate on doing your best at work, you hear me?”
Ohno smiles back and salutes her. “Yes ma’am!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You’re doing good Ninomiya-san. Your progress in rehabilitation this past month has been excellent after the casts have been removed.”
Nino sits silent in his bed, trying to reign in his anger. He focuses on creating a face for this particular doctor. Fat, watery little eyes, acne marks, thick oily lips, crooked brown teeth, and a red bulbous nose ending with a wart at the end of it. Nino didn’t know why, but all the doctors in this place seemed to look like that.
“…and I daresay that it is time to -”
He knows it would only hurt him in the end but Nino can’t push away the question that has been buzzing in his head. “Doctor, what about my eyesight?,” Nino asks, impatiently. His hands clenched tighter to his bed sheets. He knows the answer already; it’s been relayed and explained to him by numerous doctors, many times before. But he just doesn’t get it. All the medical jargon has managed to do was explain away Nino’s blindness in a rational, logical, and reasonable way. Which, clearly to Nino, was complete rubbish because him being fucking blind was not in any way reasonable or logical.
The doctor pauses in the middle of his sentence. Nino imagines him opening and closing his mouth stupidly like a goldfish. “Now Ninomiya-san, we’ve been over this before ---”
“I know we’ve been over this,” Nino snarls, “But we will go over it again.”
The doctor lets out a little sigh that he didn’t know Nino could hear. Nino figures that he must be rolling his mole-like eyes. It further fans the frustration and anger in Nino.
“Will I be able to play the guitar again? Or the piano?,” Nino demands. He feels a lump in the back of his throat as he attempts to swallow. “How about baseball? Will I---”
“Ninomiya-san, I think it’s best to…let go of those aspirations and concentrate on recovering.”
Nino rears back, feeling as if he was punched in the stomach. The fragile little thing residing inside of his heart shatters and Nino feels dead already.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno goes out to fill the clay vase with water. The hallway smells strongly of disinfectant - an odor Ohno has never gotten used to. Warm sunlight floods in from the double windows at the end of the hallway and Ohno makes out a solitary figure standing near them. It was a man, perhaps a few years younger than himself. Ohno watches as the man tilts his head up, face cast in shadows against the bright light, as if he was trying to absorb the warm rays. Ohno wishes that he had his paints and canvas with him, or at least a sketch pad and a pencil, to capture it.
Ohno stares, hands holding onto the vase, trying to note down the minute details of the scene in his head for when he returns to his quiet apartment.
A blue rectangular object suddenly drops out of the man’s robes onto the linoleum floor with a loud ‘clunk.’ The man jumps in surprise and accidentally kicks the object with his feet. It skids a short distance before coming to a stop near Ohno’s sneakers.
Ohno bends over to pick up the DS, hugging his vase under one arm. Ohno straightens up to find the man on his knees, hands patting over the floor, searching blindly. Ohno frowns and glances at the blue DS in his hands. Ninomiya Kazunari was written neatly on the cover with a black sharpie. Comprehension dawns on Ohno and he strides over to the kneeling man. He taps him gently on the shoulder.
“You dropped this,” Ohno says, helping the man close his fingers over the DS. Up close, Ninomiya actually looked more like a boy than a man, with sharp features that reminded Ohno a little of pixies.
“I don’t need your help,” Ninomiya retorts, quickly raising on his feet. Ohno sees him wince at the sudden motion. “Mind your own business.” Ninomiya shoves the blue DS back into the pocket of his robe and glares at Ohno - or rather, glares at a space a little to the right of Ohno‘s head.
Ohno shrugs off Ninomiya’s rudeness. “I am sorry.”
Ninomiya’s brown eyes widen slightly in surprise before they turned hostile again.
“Kazu! There you are!”
Ohno turns around to find Ninomiya Aiko jogging up towards them, eyes worried.
“I went to the restroom for a bit and you just had to disappear!,” Aiko huffs, taking her younger brother’s hand. “Oh! Hello Ohno-san,” she smiles at Ohno brightly. “This is Kazunari, my brother.”
“Um…hi, I am Ohno Satoshi,” Ohno addresses towards the man, whose expression looked as if he had taken a bite out of a lemon. “Nice to meet you.”
“Yeah. Sure. Do I look like I even care?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lost. Angry. Sad. Seeking answers to questions that have no answers.
I am losing my head.
Everything is lost in this eternal darkness.
No one to blame for this pain.
Tired. Don’t want to go on.
I am so scared.
I am all alone.
Nino has nothing much to do at home besides lying on his bed and composing depressing songs in his head. He can’t play with his DS. There‘s television, but he feels detached from the whole purpose of watching; hearing laughter for a funny reaction he can’t see leaves Nino disappointed. He doesn’t know whether being at the hospital, where the day was filled with rehabilitation classes, or whether being back at home, where boredom and his badgering sister were his only companions, was better.
The old familiar weight of his guitar on his lap alleviates his depression a little. Nino tentatively strums his fingers across the tight strings and is satisfied when a clear, ringing note reverberates in the apartment. He concentrates on recalling back the black squiggly notes that he has pored hours over, scratching out and rewriting at his desk.
In a way, he succeeds at this. But his fingers were too slow and clumsy for his brain. The melody that he has penned dissolves in a mess of wrong notes and lagging tempos.
Nino finally breaks down and cries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a spring in his steps as Ohno arrives at the hospital, laden with a big box of cake and a plastic bag filled with soda, potato chips, and other assorted snacks. He had spared no expense. Ohno hopes that it will cheer her up after the latest results of her blood test came back the other day.
“Satoshi!,” Hitomi’s smile greets him as he carefully puts down everything, “Aren’t you supposed to be at work right now?” Her voice was weaker than usual, but it still had authority in it.
“But I want to have a party!,” Ohno pouts, placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Excuses, excuses,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“How are you feeling today?,” Ohno asks, opening the cake box. He tilts it at Hitomi to let her see from her position lying down.
“Kind of tired, but still going strong,” she replies, nodding approvingly at the cake. “That looks good.” She carefully sits up in her bed.
“Have a soda first,” Ohno says, handing her a can, “I uh…forgot to bring a knife, and um…plates and stuff. I’ll be right back!” Ohno turns, embarrassed. He hears Hitomi chuckle at his absentmindedness before there was a sharp intake of pained breath. Ohno whips around and everything happened in slow motion.
“Hitomi!,” Ohno hears himself cry out; his voice sounds distant and most unlike his own.
The soda can she was holding falls in a clatter on the floor, spraying foamy globs of soda everywhere. Her body slumps sideways and she was falling, falling, falling off the bed. Ohno feels like he is walking through syrup - too slow, much too slow - as he rushes to break her fall.
“Ohno-san, your sister is very weak. I suggest you prepare yourself for the inevitable.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
He could hear the constant tick tock of the clock on his bedside, but he isn’t sure what time it was. Was it early morning? Afternoon? Or was it night? It doesn’t matter to him anymore, since his days now blend flawlessly together. He burrows himself deeper under his blankets. Nino is contemplating about death.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno slashes another angry red line across his canvas. He has been doing that for the past hour, just sitting in front of his canvas, painting a portrait of his emotions. He hadn’t bothered with washing his face; it was streaked with dried tears and he was still in his black suit from the funeral. He wipes his nose on his damp sleeve.
Ohno glances at the paintbrush; it’s bristles were ruined from the strength he used to paint. Sighing, he dips it in the bottle of red and applies the final stroke to the canvas. Ohno backs away a bit to stare at it. It was ugly - with red dripping like fresh blood and the occasional blots of black and purple like bruises.
He lets it dry on the balcony and goes to the bathroom to wash his face and change out of his clothes. He returns to his easel. This time, he was going to paint sunflowers. Gently blending the golden yellow paint, he is reminded of Hitomi’s laughter and the way she radiated warmth, happiness, and strength. Her last words echo in his mind as he paints the first stroke.
Satoshi, be happy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The rain pounds a lonely rhythm against the window panes. The apartment is humid from all the windows being closed, and a dreary atmosphere hangs like a dark cloud.
The TV cackles: “We had predicted sunshine and perfect weather today but it seems that Mother Nature has other plans. This region is experiencing high winds and heavy rain. There is a warning for high tides…”
“Aiko, I am going to the beach,” Nino speaks up suddenly, breaking the silence.
“Are you crazy?,” his sister murmurs sleepily next to him, “It’s raining cats and dogs…” She yawns widely, snuggling deeper into their ancient couch. He hears her breathing slow down as she drifted off to sleep.
Nino stands up silently and counts 10 steps to get to his room. He throws on a jacket with roomy pockets and fumbles around searching for an umbrella. Nino pauses; should he write a note? He shakes his head. They will know why.
The rain smells refreshing to Nino, after being cooped up in their stuffy apartment for weeks, as he steps out of the building. Nino is thankful that the bus stop was right in front of their building. He stands there, with the rain pattering onto his umbrella, and waits.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno blinks as a particularly fat drop of rain falls onto his nose. Then, as if the heavens had decided to open up, rain fell fast in torrents, quickly soaking through his clothes and sending shivers through his entire body. He quickly picks up his fishing gear and runs toward the nearest shelter - the public restrooms, cursing all the way at the sudden turn of bad weather.
His slippered feet squeaks and squishes through puddles of standing rain. Ohno can barely see through his sodden bangs, and the sharp sting of water hitting his eyes wasn‘t helping his progress either.
He clumsily slips and slides up a slight incline until he was finally under the roof of the concrete structure.
Collapsing against the wall, he takes a moment to wring off his soaking wet clothing. The landscape in front of him was quickly turning stormy, as waves crashes onto the rocks Ohno was situated on a while ago. Through the rain, everything was painted gray and lifeless.
Suddenly, a flash of yellow in the colorless scenery catches Ohno’s eyes. He squints - and makes out a person - a boy, making his way towards the shorelines, where white foaming tides threatened to sweep anything and everything off into the churning sea. Ohno makes a split decision and runs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Are you sure you want to get off here, sir?,” the concerned bus driver asks Nino, who grips the handrail tightly.
“Yes,” Nino says, unfurling his umbrella and getting out onto the sidewalk, “Thank you.”
He heads towards the roaring of the ocean. His head was surprisingly clear, without any of those melancholy thoughts he has been having for the past three months. Perhaps it was because he knew that this was the end to all his pain. He has nothing else to live for. No attachments.
The salty sea breeze beckons him with it’s tantalizing fingertips.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey! Stop! It’s dangerous!,” Ohno tries to shout, but the shrill wind snatches his words away. The figure was in the water already, and Ohno could see waves tugging at him.
Ohno steels his nerves as he enters the water. It was a bone-chilling, mind-numbing, and knee-shaking kind of cold. He felt the skin on his legs burning as though it was fire he was wading through. His sodden clothing weighs him down as he walked in deeper; the water was now at his waist. Ohno’s numbed feet were slipping over silt and sand, as great amounts of sea water made its way into his mouth. He spits it out, gagging at the saltiness. The current was pulling him and the boy further and further away from shore; Ohno’s feet could barely reach the floor. For the first time in his life, Ohno feared the sea.
“Stop!,” Ohno screams once again at the figure in front of him. He wasn’t far away now, and with a lunge, Ohno wraps his arms around the boy’s waist.
The boy twists around and Ohno’s jaws drop.
“You! What the hell do you think you’re doing?,” Ohno yells at Ninomiya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Get off,” Nino cries, trying to break away from the person’s iron grip.
Now that someone has actually interrupted him, Nino begins to feel the chill of the water, the rolling waves, and how his feet didn’t quite reach the bottom anymore. Fear seizes his heart but Nino is determined. He twists and turns, like a slippery fish, out of the guy’s hands. Nino closes his eyes and submerges.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno panics when he sees Ninomiya go under. He quickly dives under and eyes stinging, sees Ninomiya with his eyes closed. Ohno snatches at his yellow jacket and pulls Ninomiya up with him. He thrashes around in Ohno’s grip, but Ohno manages to hold on as he trudges closer to shore. Ohno feels his feet hit sand comfortably before screaming at Ninomiya.
“Are you crazy?,” Ohno yells, sending water droplets flying as he whirls around on the still-struggling man. “Do you not care about your family or something? Do you want your mother and sister to find you half-bloated when the coast guard manages to locate you? If you don’t care about your life, it’s fine. But harming others in the process is not, you selfish bastard.” Ohno forces his teeth to stop chattering.
Ninomiya narrows his eyes. “Who are you?” He was still trying to extricate himself.
“Ohno Satoshi, the one you didn’t care about, remember?,” Ohno snaps. His limbs feel tired and heavy as he nearly collapses from fatigue on the shore. “
“You can’t just mind your own business can you?,” Nino screams back, tears springing out of his unfocused eyes, “I don’t want to live because I am fucking blind, if you haven’t noticed! When you’re blind, all you see is darkness and life is not worth living if you can‘t see anything.”
Ohno’s anger diminishes and he resorts to a more comforting tone. “Life is precious and you have to treasure every second of it. My sister instilled that in me. No matter what obstacles you face, there is always a solution and throwing your life away is not one of those solutions, Ninomiya-san. Not being able to face those obstacle makes you a coward.” Ohno guides Nino towards the distant shelter. They were both shivering and the falling rain made the trembling even worse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nino refuses to budge. “I don’t care what your stupid sister said,” he shrieks, “Let go ---”
He doesn’t even register the punch until he tasted blood in his mouth.
He hears Ohno’s low growl close to his face: “You insult my sister again, I’ll kill you myself.”
Nino bows his head down in shame and lets Ohno drag him to shelter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno shifts uncomfortably next to Nino on the bus. Ohno was still in shock at having punched someone in the face. Someone who was blind and couldn’t have defended himself. Ohno groans inwardly as he glances at the purple bruise that was forming at the corner of Ninomiya‘s jaw; he hadn’t meant to hit the guy - it was just that Nino had dared to attack Hitomi. Ohno turns to Ninomiya and opens his mouth to apologize.
“I am sorry,” both of them speaking at the same time. Ohno startles into silence.
“I am sorry I endangered your life. And I am sorry I said those things about your sister,” Nino whispers, “I was really, really, really stupid.”
“You didn’t mean it,” Ohno puts in quickly, “I am sorry I punched you.”
“But I still look handsome right?,” Nino jokes.
Ohno laughs. “Definitely.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I just called your sister - and don’t worry, I didn’t tell her.”
Nino breathes a sigh of relief. “Sorry for the intrusion,” he apologizes, wiping his damp hair with a towel. Nino thinks he smells a little bit like apples which, he supposes, was how Ohno smells like too. It was a little humiliating that Nino had to be led into the bathroom and be shown where the knobs, soap, and shampoo were; but Ohno didn’t seem to think he was stupid or troublesome.
“No problem. It’s still pouring and my place is closer,” he hears Ohno say, “Here - have some tea.” Nino finds Ohno’s hands on his, helping him grasp around the cup. It reminds Nino of the day Ohno gave him back his DS.
“Thanks,” Nino says, appreciatively. “You should hurry and take a shower, your hands are cold.”
“Yeah, I should,” Ohno says, “Uh…you might not want to move from the couch.” He sounds embarrassed.
Nino frowns. “Why not?”
“It’s really messy in here and you might get hurt…you know, if you trip or something.”
Nino doesn’t know why, but tears start to well up in his eyes. He turns so Ohno can’t see them. “Okay.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wow. His apartment was extremely messy - with the piles of dirty clothing lying forgotten, the dishes in the leaky sink, his art supplies stacked haphazardly in the corner of the small living room, and his fishing poles laying scattered on the floor. Ohno has never been very good at taking care of himself; Hitomi had always been the one who was in charge of all that. Ohno misses her.
A cough escapes him. Must be getting sick, he thinks to himself. Ohno tries to get into a more comfortable position on the couch, where its ancient springs were poking him in the back. He hears Nino making little noises in his room, unable to sleep. Ohno closes his eyes; he is so tired.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nino counts twenty steps to the living room, then five steps to the couch. A loud, hollow cough came from it, followed by a sneeze.
“Ohno-san, are you okay?,” Nino asks, trying to figure out where to look.
“I think I have a fever,” he hears a muffled voice say, “But I am not sure.”
Despite Ohno’s situation, Nino finds himself smiling at the child-like remark. “Let me feel your forehead.” Nino tentatively puts out a hand and feels Ohno take it, putting it on his forehead. Ohno was indeed burning up. Nino contemplates for a moment before saying: “Just stay here and I’ll get a wet towel for your head.”
“But -”
“Don’t worry, I can count and remember where stuff are.” Nino had memorized the number of steps for everything because he didn’t want to feel like a burden to Ohno.
Nino returns with one and hands it to Ohno.
“I’m gonna make soup,” Nino announces. Nino hears Ohno make a noise that sounded like a chicken being strangled and quickly adds, “I am really good at cooking. Just get out all the ingredients and show me the stove and I am good.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno stirs on his bed - which Nino had demanded he take back. The entire night was slightly foggy in Ohno’s brain. He remembers feeling chills, Nino giving him a wet towel to cool his fever down, the strange dream he had (one where he was dressed as a maid and then Bruce Lee), and the soup Nino made. The taste of it still lingered in his mouth.
He rolls out of bed and pads quietly into the living room. A feeble ray of light manages to break through the heavy gray clouds in the sky and shine through the curtains. It’s beam falls on Nino’s sleeping face and Ohno feels something tug inside of him.
All of a sudden, Nino blinks awake. He scratches his head, and yawns widely like a cat, stretching his small body along the length of the couch. Ohno wants to continue staring, but figures it might be kind of rude. He clears his throat politely.
“Morning Nino.” He had insisted Ohno call him that.
“Good morning Ohno-san.”
Breakfast passes too fast (it was cereal ‘made’ by Ohno) and soon , he was walking with Nino to the bus stop. Nino clutches tightly at Ohno’s arm as the unfamiliar sounds of traffic cuts through the morning air. Honks made Nino jump and the whistle of passing cars displacing air made him cringe. Ohno feels Nino shake violently as a particularly large delivery truck rumbles past. Maybe he was still reminded of his own accident or maybe the fact that he couldn’t see made the world a scarier place to live in.
Ohno winds one arm protectively around Nino’s thin waist.
“It’s okay Nino. I am here.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Nino lies in his bed, waiting for sleep to come, he wonders how Ohno Satoshi looks like. Nino thinks that he must be beautiful beyond words, just like his heart.
He feels his own heart trill as he replays the scene in his head over again.
“Ohno-san, can I visit you again?”
“Of course.”
“Like tomorrow?”
He hears Ohno laugh, a nice comforting sound that sounded like the tinkering of piano keys. “Yes Nino, you can visit me whenever you want to.”
In the dark, a love song blossoms in Nino’s head as he drifts off to the dream world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What are you doing?,” Nino asks on the other line, as the setting sun threw shadows in Ohno’s apartment.
“I am painting.”
“Oh. What are you painting?”
‘The time I first met you‘, Ohno wants to say. But of course, he can’t. Nino was his friend for approximately three months now and Ohno didn’t want to ruin their wonderful friendship by saying something weird like that. Instead, he replies: “A window. With sunshine streaming through it.”
“That sounds nice. I wish I could see it,” Ohno hears Nino say wistfully.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Can I hear a song Nino?”
“But I can’t play anymore.”
“You can. If you just try.”
Nino tries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Nino are you alright?”
“I - I am fine. Just - just a bit seasick. No-no need to worry.”
“At least let me hold your head when you barf.”
“N-no! It sprays everywhere. You’ll be grossed out! Now-now go and catch some G-2s or whatever they’re called.”
“I rather be with you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, Nino summons up all his courage. “Oh-chan.”
“Yes Nino?”
“Can I touch your face?,” Nino blurts out in a rush. Nino feels his own face turn red and looks down.
He imagines Ohno looking scandalized, frightened, and even horrified, but Ohno just calmly takes Nino’s hands and places them on the sides of his face. His face felt smooth, like a newborn baby’s but he must have not shaven yet, since a shadow of stubble pokes Nino’s hands as they flutter on his chin. Nino shyly traces Ohno’s features. His fingertips brushes against Ohno’s long eyelashes and smoothes out his thin, elegant brows. His hands admire Ohno’s delicate nose and pinches his puffy cheeks. But his hands still as they reach Ohno’s lips.
Nino is afraid. Afraid that once he touches Ohno‘s lips, he would be lost forever. That he would want to be more than just friends. Ohno won’t ever think of him like how Nino thinks of him. Nino was blind. He was a burden and Ohno deserves someone better than that. Ohno deserves a pretty girl who can go on a boat without hurling her stomach contents out. Or one that knew how to paint. In the end, it was going to be heartbreak for Nino.
So Nino lets his hands drop back onto his lap. “You feel pretty Oh-chan,” he says, trying very hard to sound cheerful.
Like yesterday, I am again thinking of you
Your soft laughter and your gentle voice
Keeps appearing in my thoughts
If I could make one wish
It would be to see your face.
Just once.
It pains me when I realize that
I will never be able to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohno worries about Nino. A lot. Ohno wonders if he had done something wrong. After that day where Nino had wanted to touch his face, Nino had seemingly cut all ties with him. He doesn’t call or answer Ohno’s calls.
Maybe Nino found Ohno really ugly after that episode. Confusion swamps Ohno’s head. He looks around his apartment. It seems much lonelier without Nino‘s sarcasm and brattiness. Or the bright smiles that were sweet like candy. Especially after they had cleaned it up together.
Everywhere he looks, Ohno is reminded of Nino. At work, there is picture that sits on top of his desk. It was taken on their first and last fishing trip together, where Ohno is grinning ecstatically, holding the small fish (“It’s a freaking goldfish!,” Nino screams after Ohno hands it to him) he had caught after six hours at sea, and Nino is frowning at a spot above the camera, with dribbles of barf still on his shirt. On the bus, Ohno is reminded of the bus rides they took to go places, since Ohno still didn’t have a driver’s license (“Are you sure you’re 27?”). Listening to music reminds Ohno of Nino’s small hands on the piano or strumming the guitar. Even out at sea, where fishing usually took his mind off everything, Ohno only sees Nino hurling in a bucket or Nino shouting at him to ’put on more sunscreen.’ On days where the sun reigns supreme in the sky, the image of Nino standing near the hospital window with an aura of light behind him flashes in Ohno’s head. Rainy days were worse; Ohno paces around his apartment, hoping that Nino won’t go and try kill himself again.
Ohno glances at the sunflower painting hanging up on the living room wall.
“I am not happy, Hitomi.”
Suddenly, Hitomi’s voice echoes in his head: Well, go do something about it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nino knows that he is a selfish person.
“Well, why are you avoiding me Nino?,” Ohno’s angry voice crashes over him.
Nino had thought they could be friends. But he was greedy. As usual.
“There’s something I have to tell you,” he hears himself say.
I can’t pinpoint
The exact time
It happened.
All I know is that
I always find the strength,
A reason to live,
When I am with you.
I realize that I love you.
I hope you
Will love me back too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“There’s something I have to tell you,” Nino begins weakly. He was in his old pajamas, sitting on the edge of his bed, knees drawn up close to his body; it made him look like a small boy. This Nino was as delicate and fragile as a glass figurine. He was not the strong, confident one that Ohno admired the most.
Ohno stands in front of the younger man. His brain is going over all the possible things Nino might be telling him; all of them were bad. Was Nino sick? Did he have leukemia like Hitomi? Ohno’s heart drops to his stomach - he has already lost his sister, he can’t lose Nino too.
“What is it?,” his voice comes out as a squeak.
“Give me your hand Oh-chan,’ Nino extends his out towards Ohno.
Ohno doesn’t hesitate and puts his slightly sweaty hand in Nino’s. He watches as Nino slowly places it over his heart. It was faint at first, like a fluttering butterfly, but soon, Nino’s heart pounds a rhythmic thud thud thud under Ohno’s palm. Ohno knows that this is a significant gesture from Nino, but he doesn’t quite understand it. Nino’s eyes are closed tightly, his mouth set in a thin line. Ohno frantically racks his brain for the right response, frozen like a rock.
Nino grip tightens on Ohno’s hand. And suddenly, everything was clear to him. Confusion turns into shock. Shock turns into bewilderment again. Butterflies erupts in his stomach and Ohno had the sudden urge to do cartwheels.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Ohno doesn’t respond, Nino feels the darkness suffocate him. He quickly drops Ohno’s hand and backs away from him. Ohno’s rejection was even more painful to endure than losing his sight. Humiliation flushes his cheeks and he feels a single teardrop trail off his left cheek.
“Sorry Oh-chan,” he cries, as his throat constricts and disappointment wells up behind his eyes. “I didn’t mean to make things complicated.” Nino buries his face in his arms.
“It’s not complicated, it’s actually very simple,” he hears Ohno say.
“How?,” Nino wails, wiping his tears away. A hand shifts his bangs away from his wet eyes.
“It’s simple because you love me and I love you.” Nino freezes. His heart feels so full that it might explode right out of his chest.
“Y-You don’t mind if - if I can’t see?,” Nino manages to whisper.
“Nino, I am looking into your eyes right now,” Ohno whispers back. Nino feels Ohno's shoulder brush with his. "And I don't care if you're blind. The important thing is that you make me happy, and that's all I care about."
Ohno pulls Nino in an embrace.
Nino feels like he is floating on Cloud 9.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Niiiii-noooo!,” he hears Ohno sing-song from the balcony.
“What is it Oh-chan?,” he replies, pausing his fingers over the piano keys.
“There’s a rainbow outside!,” Ohno’s voice comes back. He sounds excited and giddy like a little kid.
“So?,” Nino calls back, turning back to his piano. “Is it beautiful?,” he adds, after not hearing Ohno’s voice. Nino didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Yes!”
Nino hums in satisfaction at the reply and sets back to composing.
Suddenly, he feels Ohno’s warm hands on his shoulders. “But you’re much more beautiful than the rainbow,” Ohno’s breath, smelling of peppermint, lingers on his neck. Nino smiles to himself.
“Thank you Oh-chan.”
I would be content
If life was like this everyday,
Where each and every moment,
Is filled with happiness.
I want to grow old with
You by my side
To cherish and love you
For the rest of my life.
-------------------------
Notes: This was kind of depressing to write - it's a gazillion more times angstier than my other Ohmiya oneshot. Also, I apologize for making it super long too - I hope that you guys didn't fall alsleep XD. The rainbow part came from Niji - it's my favorite line from it.
Current Location: making oh-chan soup with nino
Current Mood: 
hungry
hungryCurrent Music: 愛してる - Mika Nakashima
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